Herpes will not control my happiness

I will never forget the day I was sitting in my GYN’s office, while being 7 months pregnant, and being informed that I had contracted HSV 2. My doctor recommended me to have a C-Section in order to avoid putting my son’s life in danger. She also suggested that I’d be cautious how and who I have a sexual relationship with if my husband and I were to ever separate or divorce. I was devastated and wanted to run out crying but at the same time I felt like I had weights tied to my ankles and I couldn’t move. I felt my life would change for the worse and to a certain degree it did. My immediate reaction was to blame my ex-husband and upon him getting tested, it was confirmed that he didn’t have an STD. Apparently, I have a very dormant case and rarely have any breakouts, which may have been the cause of him never contracting it.

 

I was with him for almost 10 years, we never used protection, and he was my first but I was also victimized as a child. So we both came to the conclusion that I contracted HSV 2 as a result of this traumatic experience. Confirming the latter only made me feel worse and it damaged my relationship to a certain degree because I never felt as confident and secure as I once did prior to my diagnosis. It took me a long time before I learned to love life and myself. Giving birth to my son and learning to survive as a single mother allowed me to look at life differently. I have a skin disease that many have confused with another deadly disease. I’ve also had to be uncomfortably rejected but I’ve learned to let go of those who can’t appreciate and value me for who I am. I am a woman, mother, sister, aunt, daughter who has a lot to offer and it’s going to take a special person to see the same and value it as well.

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Advice to other readers:

Today, I always strive to be happy and at peace with myself first. Society has made sure to mock and stigmatize this virus but neither of us should ever allow it to have so much control over what we want and need in life. Our happiness should not be controlled based on the opinions of others (society). Not all of us were promiscuous and as a result, became cursed with this virus. Many of us are good people regardless of what invaded our blood vessels. As good people, we should not loose hope and love ourselves as much as we are willing to love others.

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